Ohio is so full of potential. What holds us back? What holds you back? The answer is fear. I know you Ohio, I know your fear. It is deep and abiding and ubiquitous. You fear the future, you fear your present, you fear the unknown, you fear the unknowable, you fear your own inadequacies, you fear failure, you fear each other, you fear yourself. 

Fear has driven us to the brink. It has convinced us to turn against each other, to turn against our country, to turn against ourselves. We seek solace in the mob, in the mass movement, in the security that comes with anonymity. Sacrificed individual thought and the responsibility it entails for the simplicity of demagoguery and ideology. Sought escape from our self-inflicted isolation in the cold embrace of a collective, a tribe, a place to belong. And in doing so cast aside your values, spat on your neighbor, wished death and worse upon your fellow citizens. 

Shame drives you on. Hate becomes your cause. You live in an evil world populated by evil beings meting out evil ends because if you didn’t then you’d have to admit that you were just a bad person in a world of mediocrity who never lived up to your own expectations. Fantasies of civil war and finally owning your political enemies We’re not going to sugarcoat this Ohio, you’re in deep and you’re about out of options. You’ve messed up, you’ve gone to a dark place. But in that Darkness, at your lowest moment, you’ve found the Dark Horse. Congratulations. 

There is no need to fear, Ohio, the Dark Horse offers you freedom from fear. The Dark Horse offers redemption. You will not be bound by your past but animated by it. You will have a community and not a mob. You will retain a sense of identity distinct from your loyalties while maintaining healthy social groups. 

That’s right, 33% of this campaign is just self-help seminars, support groups, and team building exercises. We’re sorry it’s come to this but you’ve got a real morale problem around here and we’ve got to fix it. By the end of this 57 step election campaign and self-improvement program you’ll find your purpose and your place. Not one we give to you, we’re not yet another messianic campaign asking you to be a loyal footsoldier in a glorious crusade for good and justice or another of that bullshit, no we’re here to help you be the best you you can gosh darn well be. All of this other election stuff, the campaign of great unpredictability, the policy proposals for efficient taxation and capital expenditures and Ohio’s ascendancy; that’s all about you, all for you, to put you on the best footing to be you. 

Sounds insane? Absolutely. But you know what? The Dark Horse believes in you. Believe in Us.